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Cloudy with snow showers mainly during the morning. Temps nearly steady in the mid 30s. Winds SW at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of snow 50%..
A few snow showers around this evening, otherwise mostly cloudy. Low 26F. Winds WSW at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of snow 30%.
Updated: December 16, 2022 @ 4:05 am
For years – since becoming a senior citizen – I have read countless stories about how age has nothing to do with fashion choices.
The common thread in all of the punditry is we can throw caution to the wind when we grow old, wear anything we want and be absolved from all the fashion dos and don’ts younger women are obliged to obey.
Are the style experts really saying we can forget that thing about aging gracefully? Or, in some twisted way, are they challenging us to show up at the rec-center pool in a micro bikini or wear hot pants and a bralette to walk the dog around the Harris Field track?
A couple of extreme examples, granted, but choose either outfit, and a concerned neighbor will call your kids, a welfare check will happen and you will win a spot in the police blotter.
It should come as nothing new when we tell you that this no-holds-barred dress code for oldsters is just the rest of society patronizing us.
What is really being said is this . . . reach a certain age, and you can wear anything, because no one really sees old people anyway. Why? Because we are a harbinger of their future, much like the ghost of Christmas yet to come complete with gloom and doom predictions. Therefore, we become invisible.
FYI – You will know when this happens, because people will talk about you in the third person as if you were not there, TALK VERY LOUDLY AS IF YOU WERE DEAF or speak very s…l…o…w…l…y in a voice reserved for toddlers who have not yet reached the age of full consciousness.
There is some good news for us oldies but goodies. It is almost 2023, not 1793, when old folks living in societies of the far north regions of the world were routinely and literally cut loose when their shelf life had come and gone and they are still taking up space on the tundra.
No longer able to hunt or fish in the midst of a famine got you a one-way ticket on an ice floe pushed out to sea with a simple shove of a foot or harpoon.
Thanks to climate change, every ice floe is taken by polar bears or sea lions slowly floating into oblivion aboard their melting launch, noticed only by National Geographic photographer shooting photo spreads for stories on the end of animal life on Planet Earth.
But I digress. We were talking about fashion rules – or lack thereof – for old people and most especially women. Men have been wearing pretty much the same outfit since high school.
Since yours truly has reached senior status, I feel obligated to share with you my style wisdom and a few fashion rules. You will agree it is important to look well-tended even as we drift into the era of invisibility aboard our icy raft. So, let’s get started, shall we?
– Nothing says “lady geezer” like wearing tweed. Think Miss Marple. Tweeds are a no-no unless you are trying to highlight your age spots. Same rule applies to crepe.
– Using a cane or walker is a must for some of us, but these mobility aids don’t need to be uncool. You can get fancy canes. Some have flashlights attached. But safety is always first. Rumor has it there are retired CIA suppliers who sell canes with retractable swords. If you use a walker, wrap it all around with strings of battery-operated twinkle lights, a horn and holster for pepper spray.
– Makeup is key to a more youthful appearance, but stay away from items that promise a “youthful glow,” because, as we age, the trip from dewy to sweaty is a very short one.
– Belts can be a fashion statement and a woman’s best friend when seeking to define a KETO-inspired waistline. Older women, to whom waistlines are an imaginary friend, should pass on the much-vaunted accessory as it will surely ride up to our underwires the moment we sit down.
– You will be instantly recognized as “an old woman” by the words you use when discussing fashion with younger folks. For instance, lose the word “pocketbook.” It is a dead giveaway. The word we use now is “handbag” or “purse.” But don’t get cocky. Fretting on and on about how you can’t just walk into Cuffs and buy a Birkin bag is trying too hard.
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